Grr!! Another woman I know is pregnant with a baby she will not be able to afford to raise.
Her sister, mother of four, was telling me about all this after regaling me with her own anger at all the people who are supposed to provide services for her and her family. She has no job and no prospect of one and spends most of her time being furious at her kids and furious at their teachers, social workers, doctors, etc. etc. whom she blames for her predicament. It is her good heart that has led her astray, right?
I asked her if her sister had considered getting an abortion, and she gave me a blank look, as if she had never heard that bad word before. So I said, "Did you ever consider having an abortion?" She said, "I could never do that. That would be like taking away a part of me." Good heavens! What are women hearing in their churches and seeing on television? If her chances in life aren't very good, doesn't she at least want her kids to have a better life? Right now they are living with her father, who might enjoy his home more if he did not have to share it with her four kids and the drive-by boyfriend. Oh, wait. He's in prison right now, but he'll be back real soon.
Thank god she got her tubes tied after #4, as I and others urged her to, since she's just a girl who can't say no. But how much better if she had stopped at one or two. I just read that the birthrate is going down as the hard times hit. These are just the last people to get the news that family planning is a necessity in this day and age, and no matter what kind of a warm and wonderful person you are, it's best to be able to provide for your kids.
More: I feel very compromised by all of this, because of the class barrier between her and me. She was one of my MIL's caregivers. We always paid her well, gave her time off when she needed it, and she did a great job for us. But she had this boyfriend, by whom she got pregnant. She provided him with a truck and cellphone with her wages. He wrecked the truck and busted the cell phone throwing it at her. Then he got her pregnant again. When she started out with us, she had two kids and some modest plans for the future, but Mr. Wrong fixed that. She could not get him to use birth control, and birth control pills made her sick, she said. Her class attitudes really bother me, especially the idea of a world well lost for love. Her take on life is sad and sentimental, about the opposite of my thinking. I really care about her while knowing that my ideas about controlling one's life repel her and mean in her mind that I am a bad woman. The best women suffer and die young in her world. She was at a funeral yesterday of a cousin who died at age 39 of colon cancer. Bravely enduring excruciating pain year after year, this poor soul finally got her diagnosis and lasted a year after that.
There is suffering enough in this world without courting it.
(expanded and revised)