So when do children become adults?

Peruvian son  Son on biking tour in Peru does not keep in touch with mother. She demands that the government find them. He and his girlfriend are having a blast!

This is ridiculous.  I think that adult children have a perfect right to stay in contact with their parents, or not, as they wish. 

When did all this happen? My generation weren't like that. At least not people like us. We were pretty much autonomous by the time we were in our mid 20s, and some of us even before that.

Comments

[TheQueen]

I remember hearing the PROOF OF LIFE demand and thinking there was something wrong there. Tsk. I bet that kid was having a great time because he didn't have to take care of his mother for a while. Mom said the best time of her life with my brother was when he ran away and she didn't worry about him every day.

[Ingineer66]

There seems to be many parents that help run their children's lives these days. I moved out shortly after high school graduation and was totally financially independent a few months later. It is hard for me to understand how even college graduates are still dependent on their parents. And the parents help them make basic decisions.

[Florence]

When do children become adults? An interesting question which differs widely. I think it all begins in childhood when they are taught to care for themselves and to be responsible for their own decisions and the consequences of those decisions. Some children mature much earlier than others and it can be a balancing act to give them the responsibility of taking care of themselves. But then no one ever said parenting was easy!!

[Annie]

I agree! The way I see it, most kids will keep in touch... Unless they require distance for a variety of possible reasons. I think independence is an important rite of passage. And am thankful that my kids seem to enjoy staying connected, however sporadic.
My own family of origin was not really warm and fuzzy. But I am, and I enjoy my kids company very much. In fact, older daughter may be joining us here for a leave of absence from work (and mainland life) soon. We will welcome her!

[Hattie]

Queen: There are situations that call for continued parental involvement with children, but this does not seem like one of them.
Ingineer 66: We lived at home longer than that, but once we got married we were on our own.
Florence: What complicates things these days is that adult children may need financial support, whereas we were able to support ourselves. But I think a person who can be tooling around Peru can probably support himself. If this person is living off his mother, more the fool he. But even then I think his mother is out of line.

[Hattie]

Annie: We're very happy right now with our family situation. When we do get together, it's for fun and not because there is some crisis brewing. We do get together more and are more concerned at crisis points. But these periods of clear sailing are a blessing. I do have the smartest and best looking children and grandchildren ever, of course. We're visiting them soon, and one daughter and two granddaughters will be coming out sometime in summer. Like you, I love being with them, but we all have our own lives to lead, too.

[Rain Trueax]

I am lucky with my kids that they are independent and left home about 21 when they were in college and could figure out a way to support themselves. We still help out now and again but not as a need, more as our parents helped us. I would not think calling to check on someone on an adventure was right at all.

[Hattie]

Rain: Nor would I. How silly to imagine that they owe us that. They are not property.

[Musings]

Heaven knows what my son is up to right now. Is it a son thing? I know what my daughter is doing in Illinois every day. She keeps in close touch with us. My son? Sheesh! Ah well... This way I don't have to worry either.

[Hattie]

Kay: At any rate, it's up to them. I think that's what is important.

[Cop Car]

I left home for college at age 17. I was not financially independent; but, there was no way other than letter or walking to town to use a pay phone for me to stay in touch with my parents. They knew (from experience) that they would hear from me if anything truly important came up. For at least five generations back, I was older than any of the other women, when I married - age 19.

The trend, I believe, has been for succeeding generations to mature more quickly physically, but to mature less quickly mentally and emotionally. I would favor increasing the "important" ages to cope with that. Operating an automobile should await mental & emotional maturity - age 25? - as should voting, service in the military, and emancipation from one's parents. This is not a very popular stand, I know; but, why do we send "unarmed" folks out to fend for themselves (or, in the case of the military, us)? As a pragmatist, I find it self-defeating.

Better yet, perhaps we could have national, standardized testing for mental & emotional maturity, and award adulthood on an individual basis rather than pretending to believe that each person is cut from the same cloth.

[Hattie]

Cop Car: There is something to this. My husband was mature at age 17, but I don't think I really grew up until age 30.

[Cop Car]

Hattie--I'm not sure when/if I matured; but, my daughters' maturity was reached at age 22. It was as if a switch had been thrown in their brains and they became adults!

[Cop Car]

Correction: "...daughters' maturities...etc."

Addition: Each daughter married at age 23 and is still married.

[Maria]

Nobody wants to be a suffocating parent, of course. On the other hand, it doesn't seem like it would have killed the young man to at least check in briefly every few days to let someone know he was still alive. We do owe something to the people who love us.

[barbara]

Interesting issue -- like reading all the comments -- barbara

[psilotum]

I just watched Into the Wild.

[Hattie]

Well there you go!