Curioser and curiouser

Our Nation discussion group took a strange turn today. I mentioned that I was watching In Treatment, an HBO series about psychoanalysis. Well, everyone jumped in with their negative input about psychoanalysis, how the analysts always attribute people's troubles to their childhood, "blame" the parents, etc. etc. when it's chemicals, etc etc. It struck me as out and out denial of the amount of neurotic suffering so many endure without any insights being offered beyond, "Suck it up. And if you can't handle it, take a pill." The fact is that there are not enough psychoanalysts to go around anyway.

One of the group said that no one should go into analysis without setting goals and a time frame. I disagree, and this series explains why that is not the right attitude. It's a bid for control, a desire to be "fixed," which is characteristic of rigid neurotic thinking. (Not that I'm saying she's neurotic. I don't know her well and she could just be repeating a commonly held opinion.) And yes,  many times analysis is a long drawn out process but that could be preferable to suffering one's entire life with a neurosis.

In Treatment  is like an excellent work of fiction, which is why Joyce Carol Oates recommends it,  I guess. I am on her Twitter feed and always am happy to learn about what she is reading or watching on TV.  She is a very good Tweeter.

I was impressed while watching this program at the patients the analyst accepts whom I would not have thought of as good candidates for analysis. But he is a very good analyst, which is why he can help these people. This does not mean he makes no mistakes, and he finds himself unable to handle his own feelings, has family problems, too, which even send him back to his own analyst.

It became clear to me as I watched this why often people will accept years of neurotic pain rather than come to terms with the truth of their lives. In this country we complicate things by compelling people to always look on the bright side, to not trouble others with our problems, to "function,"to stop being such children. But the child is always there anyway, no matter how old you get. And the urge to silence and punish the child within is strong.

So what we do is drink and take drugs instead.

I am attempting to revise my approach to my own family. It's just so easy to cut people off and it seems to solve a problem. I did that with my father, pretty much, and I think now that was a mistake. There were many things we could have talked about. It was no longer the case that I was the child and he was the adult; we were both adults of reasonable good will and intelligence, and we could have managed better with each other. Well, now he's gone, and it's too late.

Comments

[cloudia]

Much wisdom in this post.

[Hattie]

Cloudia: Merci. Friends?

[The queen]

You have remarkable timinng. I'm expecting a call from my brother in a few hours, sulking because I've cut off his daily phone calls in which he expects me to drop everything and take care of his feelings (instead of seeing a therapist, which is what I think he really needs.) Still, a therapist would know what to say. I have no idea why he never felt loved. I'm not the person to ask.

[dkzody]

I too follow Joyce Carol Oats and enjoy her tweets. They seem quite random most of the time, which I like.

As for cutting people out of your life, I'm all for it if the relationship causes pain. My life has been made so much better when I finally decided to quit trying and just move on.

[Pamela (LadyLuz)]

In Treatment - wonderful series, I agree. I've seen all 3. Loved his own sessions with his "friend"/therapist.

Have a wonderful Christmas, Hattie.

Hugs
Pam

[Hattie]

Pam: Have a wonderful Spanish Christmas!

[Z]

I do note that many of the same people who recommend cutting people out are also the ones who recommend drugs and dubious pop psych instead of analysis. I get the point of cutting out if the relationship causes pain, etc., but I *really* think the anti-analysis people have just swallowed the current hype. So I just put the show in my Netflix queue.

[Z]

P.S. People are against analysis because it does challenge them to change and because it takes effort. It is paradoxical, yet perhaps telling that they accuse it of not doing precisely those things.

[Joared]

Analysis is certainly beneficial for many people. Anyone entering the therapeutic relationship expecting to be "fixed" or to "fix" someone else doesn't understand the process. Also, for some perhaps therapy can become a "crutch." Surely at some point in time the process should end. Of course, a lot depends on the type therapy being provided -- traditional and other, i.e Cognitive - effective and popular for some today.

Others seem never to get past the "blame the parents" stage to establish meaningful relationships with the imperfect people those parents and all of us are -- reflections of the generations of parents before us. Expecting the living parents understanding and apology for mistakes may not always be realistic. I'm thinking of a psychologist of whom I'm aware. She seems to be locked into that stage with her 90+ years parents. I have wondered if since she never had children of her own that she might never fully move ahead.

I've not seen this series since I choose to have only antenna TV, though recall thinking it was one I would like to view when it premiered. Perhaps I'll find time to catch up with it if I finally set up a TV/Netflix connection. Certainly 'puter streaming is not an option for me right now.

I first read Joyce Carol Oates L.A. Times book reviews years ago. I soon watched for her name reviewing books and determined I would want to read any she might write. I have not been disappointed.

[Hattie]

Joared: I'm wary of judging women on the basis of whether or not they have had children. What I notice mostly is that women who have not had children are more likely to make their mark in the professions. But I can see how it might be more difficult to understand your mother if you never were a mother. But that is what insight could accomplish,or some ability to understand the lives of people who aren't ourselves.
And I don't think analysts are necessarily any better than anyone else at sorting out their personal lives. They probably have a greater than average tolerance for difference and personal failings, their own and others.