A lovely day today is re-activating me. Terry and I were in a slump, and Mary came over and rescued us. She and Terry fixed steak and potatoes and green beans  and a salad. In the evening we watched Rachel Maddow and a couple of Star Trek episodes and then slept well.

We are at one of those nodal points where I have to make adjustments. I am sicker than I was, and that is visible to others and affects how they react to me. I did work things out with the dentist and got my teeth cleaned,etc. so that's good. The oncology nurse, Anne, helped with that, also seeing to it that I was able to refill my hydrocodone prescription. I never increase the amount I take and am in a stable relationship with it.

What I have to work out with the oncologist, whom I will be seeing on Monday, is how well the maintenance chemo is working and what alternative options there may be. My whole attitude would be different if I were younger and had more of a chance of a cure, so any big efforts would have to be weighed against leaving my support system here.

The other night we  went to an amusing local theater production of "Shout," a retro look at the 60s and 70s in swinging London. In the theater lobby an acquaintance grabbed me by the arm and said, WHY are you in Hilo? Why aren't you in Seattle?

She told me, as I knew, that the University of Washington has a well known cancer center. I'm not trying to block her out, but I am wondering if what was good for her, the treatment she got there that enabled her to survive a breast cancer, diagnosed in the early 90s, when she would have been in her 50s, would be of use to me, a 78 year old woman with lung cancer and heart trouble. I would  be well set up in Seattle. We own a comfortable and convenient condo in  Seattle, and both of our daughters live there, too.

So I am bringing these matters to my oncologist. He is a pessimist, and really, so am I. I am doing way better than he thought I would, but my condition bears no resemblance at all to being  well. That is never a status I will regain. So whatever life prolonging or curative measures available have got to be damn good for me to want to umdergo them.

Blackie the cat is a regular outdoor boy now. What a relief. He was tearing up the curtains, jumping all over the counter, knocking over and breaking things; now he comes in exhausted and snoozes on his platform. He has not caught any vermin yet, but we just had our house and the house next door tented, so there may be nothing to catch right now. The neighbor cat, Sayeed, got trapped in the house next door and was missing for two days. He had gone into the house right after the tent was removed, and was locked in. No damage to him, luckily.

Update: I wrote the above two days ago and have now seen the oncologist. He's taking me off the "maintenance" chemo drug, which I am not tolerating well. In particular it knocks my appetite, and I am losing weight, which is something I can't afford.  After a rest from therapy of about a month he will put me on low doses of the platinum based chemo, which has worked so effectively against the tumors. I'm also getting a CT scan to see how things are going. I won't have to travel for that.

We finally found  a good yard service! Halleluya!

And the bad guys are starting the feel the pain. That is a real moral booster!

I hope all is going well with you, my readers!

 

Comments

[Lorna]

I continue to wish the best for you - comfort, pain-free and amusing times with your little black rocket boy.

[Silver Willow]

sounds like you are heading into a better plan than what you have been on. Glad you are moving away from drugs that were rough on you, and I hope going back to the platinum reliefs some of your worse problems. Much love to you.

[Cloudia]

the bad guys are starting the feel the pain. That IS a real moral booster! Enjoy it to the full, dear <3

Wishing you rich moments and good days

[nick]

As you say, treatment in the nineties for a woman in her fifties wouldn't necessarily be appropriate for yourself. It's good that you seem to be happy with your oncologist and what he recommends.

Good to know Blackie is now better behaved....

[Sabine]

You have good medical support it seems. How you are on a day to day basis is equally important than a possible something in the future. I hope for the best for you, whatever you feel this may be.

Greetings to the wild outdoor cat.

[Cop Car]

Were I in your position, I would be torn between being close to my progeny - and - being far enough away that they didn't feel the need to upset their own lives to dance around me.

When my sister-in-law had cancer (at age 78), the well-known cancer centers said that they were not accepting Medicare patients.

Do keep the bad guys hopping in pain.

[janinsanfran]

Things like finding the right yard service make so much difference! We lately found both roofers and a hauling service who will do minor things in an uncomplicated way.

Hang in there!

[Marja-Leena]

So glad that you seem to be doing well despite discomfort and concerns. Keep on keeping your chin up and enjoy the simple things in life. Hugs!

[Hank Chapin]

Hattie: Your attitude is hard to define but I find it admirable: stoic, commonsensical, without illusion but full of hope that you can make the best of things as they really are, and brave. Also, you are so intelligent and analytical that nothing escapes you in the world around you.

I myself am now 81 and find myself mulling over the meaning of life and death more and more. I'm worse than I was in college, except there are no bull sessions, just internal thinking. Right now my health is fairly good, but Type II Diabetes has raised its ugly head. If you are 81, you're probably bound to have this and that to one degree or another. (How's that for a vague statement?)

Cop Car: I would appreciate a factual understanding. Aren't all Seniors with Social Security on Medicare? Could they really turn all of us down? It sounds not only immoral but illegal. I belong to Kaiser Permanente in Honolulu, and they seem to have simply absorbed Medicare into their bookkeeping. They are fully aware of it, but my personal costs are stable.

[Michael Strickland]

Leave Hawaii to be medically tortured in Seattle during the winter? Nah. I think you're making the right, wise choice, for what it's worth.

[Cheerful Monk]

Again, thank you for writing. For what it's worth, I wouldn't go to Seattle either. I'm glad you are getting a bit of a break from the chemo.

[joared]

Glad you’re getting some treatment adjustments that will result in your feeling better and positively affecting your eating to keep the pounds on. Sounds like you’re wisely considering your particular status against differences from that of others in terms of choosing the care you receive. Nothing uneventful or boring with cats around I see.
Keep enjoying that Hawaiian climate, beautiful views and glad you have that support system with good gardeners now, too.

[Cop Car]

Hank Chapin--Medical professionals do not have to accept Medicare patients. It is their choice. From my own experiences, I think each professional/organization decides whether they will do Medicare at all and, if so, what percentage of their practice they are willing to allow Medicare patients to occupy.

The CMS (administrators for Medicare - a part of the federal Dept of Heaalth) website has the following sentence leading into a posting "Medicare Enrollment for Physicians, Non-Physician Practitioners and Other Health Care Suppliers"

"Physicians, non-physician practitioners, and other health care suppliers must enroll in the Medicare program to be eligible to receive Medicare payment for covered services provided to Medicare beneficiaries."

Note that "they" only need to enroll if they wish to receive payments from Medicare. It is their choice.

[Brandon]

People make a lot of difference, especially your nurse and doctor. I hope you tolerate the new regimen better.

[Marianna]

It's lovely to hear from all of you and really helps to keep my morale up. Such good friends!
Gee, Hank, you are bringing a blush to these pale cheeks with your praise! I'm sorry about the diabetes. Bummer!
Cop Car: A friend of mine was turned down at a well known cancer treatment center because they would not take Medicare. It's a wonder that the hassle and disappointment didn't do her in. She's in her home town now & managing OK, last I heard.

[Wisewebwoman]

Wow Hattie. So much going on and your acceptance inspires me. 78 is the Reckoning Age my friend of 81 tells me. The body starts to fail in fresh ways. With all that's going on with you this is unimportant.

Though I am upset for you. Very. I'm so glad that the little things bring you joy. As they do me.

And I don't hold out too much hope for your country. One of our commenters said he can just breezily pardon everyone and carry on.

XO
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